It can't be the end
by NinjaKitten930
Summary: A Magnus and Alec story after city of lost souls. After reading the book, I couldn't help but get my frustrations out. This will most likely keep going for another chapter or two, depending on reviews. Warning, spoiler alert. I own nothing.
1. Chapter 1

_Authors Note__ Just so you know I am, for the sake of this fan fic, ignoring Maureen's existence. _

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Hands clenching. Unclenching.

At the moment, those were the only things Magnus was physically capable of doing. That, and walking. Walking away from Alec.

Magnus didn't hear anything behind him. He didn't hear Alec fall to the ground, didn't hear him crying, didn't hear him chasing after the Warlock. Nothing. Alec was merely standing where Magnus had left him, immobile.

If Alec was going to be silent and strong, so would Magnus.

Clench. Unclench.

Whenever Magnus opened his hands, he couldn't control the shaking. Closing his hands into tight fists was the only way he could control. Control everything. The same way that Magnus broke up with Alec, to control the outcome.

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As Magnus's footsteps eventually carried him out of the subway, and back into the New York streets, he was welcomed back with a stormy sky as rain poured around him. His jacket was soaked in seconds, hair hanging limp on his face.

Bleary eyed and feeling dizzy, Magnus stumbled toward the nearest bench, collapsing onto it as his legs gave out.

Magnus wasn't angry. He could never be angry at Alec. Even though the shadowhunter had gone behind his back, considered taking away his immortality, and met up with his enemy and ex-lover, Magnus did not feel any resentment to Alec. He had thought he would have been enraged at Alec, blown up at him in an explosion of anger and blame. And yet, when Magnus saw Alec's face as the shadowhunter realized it was a Warlock waiting to meet him, and not the vampire, all he wanted to do was hold him in his arms. Especially knowing what he was about to do.

Magnus didn't break up with Alec, take his love away from his life, because he felt Alec deserved it. No. Magnus told the shadowhunter to leave his house because Alec truly didn't belong there. As much as it ached Magnus, it was painfully obvious that Alec only be hurt by a relationship with someone who could never truly be with them, grow old with them.

Die with them.

This was Magnus's reasoning as to why he had ripped a part of his soul out. If he had a soul. This was why he would be returning to a house without it's warmth and security. _This_ was why he was hunched over on a bench, holding himself because he'd pushed away the only person who would.

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Blood. Blood was on his hands.

Alec was only just realizing what had happened, what he'd done. He'd just been so angry, so hurt. Alec had been so focussed on the fact that it was all Camille's fault.

Alec had found the vampire, sitting on her damned throne. She'd been watching him with a soft, knowing smile. Her eyes were bright with the pride in what she'd done. The agony and fury had sent Alec over the edge.

When Alec and Camille fought this time, it wasn't like the first. Alec had been confused when he'd attacked Camille, and he hadn't truly wanted to hurt her; she was the only living being Alec knew that knew Magnus in any way that he did. The idea of hearing about Magnus from another side was too tempting to walk away from.

However, now Alec wanted nothing from Camille but fear in her eyes. He hadn't been entirely…_there_ as he'd smashed into the vampire. He'd vaguely heard a gasp of fear leave Camille's ruby red lips before he slammed an angel blade into her heart.

The entire moment was bizarrely anticlimactic. The light from the Seraph blade vanished as it burrowed into the cold flesh. There wasn't a heart to stop, and her empty lungs left no last breath.

Alec had killed Camille. He didn't feel any better about himself. If it were possible, he felt even colder, emptier. What had killing the vampire gotten him?

As Alec finally stood, feeling numb, he realized why this was happening. Why would killing Camille make anything right when she hadn't forced him into anything. Alec was the one who had met up with the vampire, talked with her, made a trade with her. He was the one who was so insecure that he couldn't have a conversation with Magnus without ending in an argument. He was the one who was jealous of everyone Magnus was with, had been with, and might one day be with.

The only thing that changed after killing Camille, was the loss of anger. He had lost the blame on someone else, lost the only motivation, _only goal_. The only thing left was self-loathing and agony. Alec was tortured by his thoughts, and he knew that it was his own fault.

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Magnus had finally returned to his apartment. He was drenched from sitting in the rain for god knows how long, and he was shaking to the bone. The feeling was gone from magnus' toes and fingers, and it took him multiple tries to get the door open.

Finally the door flew open and Magnus was about to walk in when he paused, standing under the door to his flat, feeling like a stranger at his own house.

The main room of the flat was clean. He knew that he'd left it the usual mess it was. The clothes were cleaned, put in a pile on the bed. Magnus shuffled through the room, his muddy boots still on, as well as his dripping coat. Magnus physically flinched as he took in the emptiness of his bedroom. Only then did he realize how thoroughly Alec had moved into his life.

The bed was made, and more clothes were left in a neat pile on his bed. A small drawer at the end of the bed sat with it's drawers wide open, one pulled off in apparent frustration. Magnus noticed a crack in the wall next to his window. He traced his fingers over it, feeling it caving in slightly. On the ground was a bright blue photograph of Magnus and Alec, embraced in one of the moments that looked so natural. Alec hadn't known Magnus had taken a picture. However, he looked so pleased when Magnus had given it to him, in a frame that reminded him so much of the shadowhunter's eyes.

The frame was now broken. Tiny cracks webbed through the shiny metal, the picture torn by broken glass.

It was all too much; the empty bedroom, the empty bathroom. The shattered picture. Magnus hadn't realized how much he'd hoped that Alec would wait for him in the flat. Beg for Magnus to listen to him, take him back. Oh god how Magnus wanted to take Alec back.

The only thing keeping Magnus from running to the ends of the earth to have the blue-eyed boy back, was knowing that it was for the best that he keep himself out of the shadowhunter's life. He wouldn't die, wouldn't grow old. He couldn't force Alec to forget those facts, and he couldn't expect Alec to be okay thinking that the man he loved would move on easily enough after he died.

A high pitched sound awakened Magnus from his reverie. He felt dizzy from his wound. Magnus shouldn't have been up so soon after being stabbed. His chest throbbed from the pain. And yet, Magnus thrived off of that pain, anything to distract him from the true agony. Magnus grabbed the phone with slow movements. He felt as though he was in a dream, as if he wasn't sure where he was or if anything was truly real. He would soon wake up to bright blue eyes.

"What?" Magnus asked, his voice void of the usual frustration or impatience when it came to customers. He didn't have the energy or spirit to care about much of anything at the moment. However, he needed the phone call, needed something to focus on so that his feet didn't carry him to wherever he would find Alec.

"Oh Magnus, thank god." It was Isabelle, and she sounded breathless. "You hadn't answered before, are you with Alec?" She paused, Magnus could hear distant voices. "Anyways, Jace is injured and we need some help. The Silent Brothers are going to be awhile and I don't want to wait."

Magnus flinched at the hope and trust in Isabelle's voice. She had truly come to count on Magnus, not just as someone to look after her brother, but her as well. Knowing how strong Isabelle was made that realization a sobering one indeed.

And despite it all, he was going to continue hurting people, letting people down, and shutting out the people he cared about. Magnus had hoped that Alec would realize all that he was doing for him. "Isabelle. Don't call this number again. Ever. If you need the assistance of a Warlock, call someone else. From now on, I'm not your pet." Instead of hanging up, Magnus kept the phone pressed to his ear. He honestly hoped for Isabelle to shout at him, call him every terrible name she could think of. He wanted her to blame him for everything, and make him feel worthless.

"Magnus, what happened to you and Alec?" Isabelle asked after a long pause. Her voice was fragile, scared.

No, this wasn't what magnus had wanted. He wanted to confirm the fact that everything bad that happened in the world was his fault, and that he deserved to rot in hell alone. The hurt in Isabelle's voice was crippling in a whole different form of self-hatred.

To think of everything that Isabelle had gone through, brave, strong Isabelle, and hear her sound so unsure and worried made Magnus break inside. She was so much like her brother.

"Please Isabelle," Magnus's voice caught on his words and he closed his eyes, breathing deeply. "I'm finally free to do my work, and not have to watch your careless asses. So take care of yourselves," Magnus sighed, feeling every single wall fall down. He sat on the edge of his bed, Alec's side. He felt something cold and looked down to see Alec's key laying on the bed against his leg.

"Because I won't."


	2. Chapter 2

Blood and Ichor mixed in streams in the dark alley. An inhuman shriek went unnoticed to the humans walking past. They didn't see the battle waging just outside their windows, nor the enraged boy dispatching each of the creatures of hell back to whatever hole they crawled out of with each vicious slash.

Alec, shirt soaked in his own blood and eyes unfocused, had long ago lost the ability to feel pain. He wondered aimlessly if it were because his nerves were shot, or his mind couldn't comprehend any more signals sent to it. Either way, it made fighting the hordes a lot easier.

It was only when Alec felt his blade sink into the demon's stinging flesh anymore that he felt at all "good." From a boy whom had never killed a demon, Alec quickly found his passion in seeking them out. If he wasn't out demon hunting, what could he do? There was only so much reading one could do, and every character in every damned book reminded Alec in some little way of a certain Warlock.

Alec found that he was surprisingly good at hiding his emotions. Long ago, before he had met Magnus, and was convinced that he was in love with his step-brother, Alec had not cared whether people were uncomfortable by his bad moods or not. Even to Isabelle and Jace, who he was closest to, he had never been one to laugh and joke. He was always the quiet, closed off one.

After meeting Magnus, something amazing happened; Alec felt good about himself for the first time. He got himself a good haircut and actually tried with his appearance (though his fashion sense remained otherwise nonexistent). The biggest change, however, was less physical. Alec found himself smiling more; he liked laughing, and found that he was putting himself out on the line more often. Though he still cared about what other people though, he did, at least, keep them from dictating how he lived his life.

Now that Alec had changed into this new confident self, he knew that his siblings seeing him revert back into himself would be hard. They would feel like it was their fault, that they weren't good enough. He didn't want them to worry, so instead he acted as though nothing was wrong. Yes, they did know about the breakup, but Alec acted as though he were taking it in stride.

It was easy to convince Isabelle that he was ok, because she had never felt love before; not like Alec and Magnus's. She was scared of love, and Alec now understood why.

It was convincing Jace that he was alright that was difficult. Jace, who had been broken after being forced away from Clary, was more suspicious of Alec's apparent ease over the break up. Luckily, though, Jace respected his privacy.

As the sky began to lighten, Alec finally dispatched the last of the demons. He was dripping with sweat and blood and covered in burning demon ichor. He was exhausted, which was just the way he liked it; when he was too tired to think, he was too tired to remember painful memories. Alec quickly backtracked back to the institute. He sneaked up the hallway and entered his room without anyone being aware. Soon enough, Alec had stripped himself down, and was standing under hot water as it slowly cleared from the black sludge on his body.

Alec felt Magnus's hands wrap around his wrist, and the other man's smooth chest pressing against his back. Magnus so often liked to join him during his showers. Alec sighed in content, turning around to greet the green eyes he loved to see.

He was standing alone in the shower.

Clenching his teeth, Alec fought the urge to punch the wet tile. He had to stop doing this, he had to get over it and move on. He had hoped he was too tired to start dreaming Magnus back into his life, but it seemed he could never stop his mind from wishing for the green-eyed man.

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Alec soon found himself in the weapons room. He skipped over his trusted bow in favour of a long sword. The boy wouldn't allow him to get his frustration and anger out; he needed something he could slash and lunge with.

By the time Alec was done with the dummy, it was no more than the shreds of toilet paper after Chairmen Meow had gotten into the bathroom. '_Stop it,'_ Alec screamed at himself. He was breathing hard, and his clenched fists were as white as bone around the handle. He suddenly felt exhausted, and he collapsed onto his knees, pressing his fists into his eyes as the sword clattered to the ground. He willed all of the memories to stop; he needed to forget more than he needed air, and he was getting so frustrated with seeing the god damned green eyes every time he closed his eyes.

A strangled moan escaped Alec before be began pummeling the ground with his fists, He was not gaining anything from it other than bruised hands, but at least the pain numbed his mind for a few seconds. "Stop!" Alec yelled, pressing his forehead against the ground; his legs were folded underneath him, looking like quite a pathetic picture as he curled inside himself.

"Stop what?" A calm voice asked, causing Alec to look up. Of course it would be Jace. He stood in the doorway, watching Alec with a guarded expression. At least it wasn't pity, Alec was sure he couldn't handle that right then. "How about you stop acting and tell me what's going on?" Jace prodded, somehow sounding extremely UnJace-like.

Nodding shakily, Alec stood with stiff muscles, his hands still clenched. He followed Jace into his bedroom. Alec remembered when he couldn't handle being in Jace's bedroom because every time he saw his bed he imagined what him and Jace could be doing on it. Now, he just wanted to lie down.

Instead, Alec sat against the door, pulling his knees close to his chest. Jace sat on the edge of the bed, legs crossed. It was just like when they were young and just hanging out, talking about whatever crossed their minds. Not that Alec ever spoke of what he really wanted to.

"So, how have you been?" Jace asked, watching him closely.

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By the second week, Magnus was frustrated to find that he had still not gotten rid of the scent of Alec in his apartment. Perhaps it were because he still hadn't thrown out the sweaters Alec hadn't taken back. It wasn't that he felt attached to them, he just hadn't had the time-or so he told himself.

Magnus never remembered caring for someone two weeks after breaking up with him, other than Camille. Perhaps his first love had been a tricky one to get over, but now Magnus couldn't even remember his name. Yet Alec still clung around his mind.

Magnus was finding himself surprisingly full of self-loathing. Of all things Magnus felt during break ups, this was never one. Magnus would get pissed, then he'd cry, then he'd fool himself into thinking they could get back together, then he got over it. Well Magnus had already done all of these things-usually more than once-and yet he still couldn't expel Alec from his mind.

He wished he could be mad at Alec for going behind his back; but he couldn't justify breaking the boy's heart just because of one small mistake. No, Magnus justified breaking the boy's heart due to their doomed future. It was doomed from the beginning, and that was why Magnus refused to tell Alec of his past. If he were to let that last wall down, then Magnus would be selfish enough to not let Alec go until he was withered and old. Alec would be miserable, yet still Magnus would cling to him.

Magnus knew from the night Alexander showed up at his doorstep that he was making a terrible decision. Every kiss they shared, every day spent together, every night, was filled with guilt. Magnus kept telling himself it was a fling, that they didn't actually care for each other. Alec still loved Jace-yet Magnus had been so goddamned jealous of the boy's affection for his step-brother. He had wanted Alec all for himself. At that point, Magnus knew he had gone too far.

He felt terrible for being so selfish. Magnus should have never pressured Alec into going public with them. He had wanted so badly to be able to claim Alec as his own, and yet the whole time he had been telling himself that it wasn't permanent; that what they had wouldn't-couldn't-last. He should have let the boy go before Alec had changed his whole life for the warlock. Alec risked his family, his marks, his status just to prove his love to Magnus, and the whole time Magnus had had one foot out the door.

That was why Magnus hated himself. That was why he refused to pick up the phone like he so desperately wanted to. He wouldn't pull Alec back in for his own selfish desire; Alec was now free to love someone who would grow old with him, die with him, and give themselves to him in a way that Magnus never could.

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_Authors note-_ _Hey guys, I bet you weren't expecting little old me to update this one. I just kind of… got my inspiration, I suppose. And so, I will probably make this go a bit longer than I had previously thought. _

_Sorry but it's going to get pretty damned angsty. So I'm just warning you now. And I'm not sure how I'm going to end it- though if I were you, I wouldn't be counting on a happy ending._

_So yeah, reviews are love!_

_I OWN NOTHING! _


	3. Chapter 3

_I have no time to go over this, so let's hope the spelling errors aren't too frightening. _

_I own nothing. _

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It had been four weeks and three days since Alec had last seen Magnus in the sewers-Not that he was counting. Since then whenever the shadowhunters had been harmed beyond a stele's power a young warlock woman with spikes along her spine aided them with her magic. Alec had his suspicions that Maryse had specifically asked for a woman warlock. There wasn't any worry about that though, he would never make that mistake again.

Since speaking to Jace two weeks ago, Alec had gotten himself almost killed a total of eleven times. Six times he had collapsed and had been found by Jace the next day. Three times he made it to the institute before collapsing in a hallway. And 2 times he had managed to get to the warlock woman before his family could find out.

Luckily though, it seemed that Alec's bloodlust had begun to dwindle. He found himself seeing green eyes less and less. Alec's smiles became a bit more sincere each time that Jace or Isabelle made a joke. They had begun hunting as a trio again after Isabelle pleading that he let them back him up.

In all honesty, Alec was okay.

The trio were busy at the moment sniffing out a demon lair. It was rumoured that these baddies were high up enough on the food chain to know something about Sebastian. Everything the shadowhunters did was in hopes to catch the demon boy.

"Do you smell something?" Jace asked, wrinkling his nose. It was unfair that the nose could never desensitize itself to the rotting scent of demons, but Alec had accepted long ago that it was a part of the job. He shrugged in response, pulling a seraph blade from its sheath.

"No Jace, all I smell is your cologne. Did you dump the bottle over your head," Isabelle asked, frowning delicately toward the golden-haired boy.

While the two bickered away, Alec entered the shack. The roof was low so he was forced to crouch as he looked around warily. The sound of scuttling bugs filled the narrow hallway until a rather small Ravener demon appeared. It hissed as the light from Alec's seraph blade moved closer to it, but then clicked twice and turned around. Alec wasn't sure, but he thought it was saying, _follow me._ Quickly realizing he didn't have much choice, Alec followed.

Soon enough Alec entered a large room. He straightened up to see two rows of candles light, showing the occupants of the dank building. Two large skeletal creatures stood in front of Alec. He vaguely heard Jace and Isabelle shouting his name, but he didn't risk yelling back. Alec raised his blade in warning.

"_What do you want, Shadowhunter?" _The demon on the left asked, it's words interrupted with strange clicks. _"Why would you come into our home? We have done nothing wrong."_

Alec lowered the seraph blade, but his eyes remained wary. "We have come to understand that you know of a certain shadowhunter known as Sebastian," Alec pointed out, raising his voice in an attempt to sound intimidating.

"_Of course we have heard of Sebastion, Alexander Lightwood of the New York Institute. Every demon has heard of the shadowhunter born of demon blood." _The demon sounded almost condescending, as if Alec were an idiot to have asked such a stupid question.

Fighting the urge to roll his eyes, Alec specified, "Do you know Sebastion personally? Have you worked with him? Do you know his plan?"

The demons stared at Alec for a long time. There was a low growl emanating from the right one, who had yet to say a word. The left one stepped forward, crouching so that it could look Alec straight in the eye. "_So many questions. And why would we answer them? Do you think that just because you have attached yourself to a downworlder you have any favour with us?_" In response to Alec's wince at the demon's words, it pulled away, a slow smile forming on its skeletal face. _"I see, you have been left behind by the warlock just like countless others. It has always amazed my how humans can fool themselves into the 'strength of love.'_" The other demon growled in reply.

"Answer the questions. I am a member of the clave, and if you do not cooperate I will dispatch you back to whatever filthy dimension you came from. " Alec snarled through gritted teeth.

The demon reached behind itself to pull out the sword attached to its back that had previously escaped Alec's notice. The one beside it lifted its arms, revealing long claws. Alec groaned, lifting his seraph blade back up. "I see you choose not to cooperate." He had been desperately hoping that this lead was correct. The three had been running themselves ragged over the past few weeks trying to find Sebastian under whatever rock he was hiding. It seemed they would have to keep searching.

The demon on the right charged first. Its claws gleamed with the black ichor of its poisonous blood as they slashed at the area Alec had been about two milliseconds ago. Alec then had to roll forward to avoid the second demon with its long sword. The metal buried into the wooden floor. Luckily for Alec, the space was small, which trapped the demon's movement. Of course, that also meant that there wasn't much space that wasn't taken up by demon for him to dodge. Just as the clawed demon was about to slash down at Alec-who was trapped against a wall-its legs were wrapped around by a golden whip and the demon was sent face first into the floorboards.

Looking over the demon's hulking shape, Alec smiled at his sister. He also saw Jace lunge toward the demon with the sword, and so he ran toward it as well, brandishing the seraph blade and baring his teeth. "I didn't think you guys were ever going to get here," Alec pointed out light-heartedly as he peeked around the demon at Jace.

"Yeah yeah well maybe next time you can wait for us slow pokes!" Jace and Alec both lunged toward the demon in the same moment. Alec went for the demon's legs, and Jace leapt onto its chest, stabbing his blade into its rotting bone. Where the blade touched, the bone fell away as dust. Alec slashed at the demon's leg to get it off balance to avoid it slashing the sword at Jace, who had fallen off the demon when it smacked him away like a fly.

Isabelle, having tied the demon down with her whip, lunged her blade into the other's demon's leg, causing it to fall back as it's legs broke apart into dust.

After placing a well-placed dagger into the demon's head and watching it disappear, the trio walked up to the demon struggling against its bonds and slowly becoming dust. "Where is Sebastion?" Jace hissed, pushing the skull's face up.

Snarling, the demon stopped struggling. _"I don't know why you would think I'd know that." _The demon pointed out before hissing in pain and anger as Jace twisted a seraph blade into its spine. _"You filthy angel children! I will rip your limbs apart and feast on their sweet marrow" _The demon howled again as Jace twisted the blade deeper into the bone. Its words were becoming less and less decipherable as it growled and snarled. "_I will watch you all burn! I will walk ankle deep in your blood as your beloved city burns." _Jace, having realized they would gain nothing from this, jammed the blade as far as it would go into the demon's eye socket. The next second it was gone.

"Alright so that was less than unhelpful," Isabelle grumbled, kicking at the sword the demon had left behind. "Back to square one?" The three left the shack with hunched shoulders. A failed trail meant another day of less than adequate sleep.

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Eventually Magnus returned to accepting calls from customers. He was sure to keep Alec's, Isabelle's and the institute's numbers in his contacts just to be sure not to answer it. He didn't have Jace's number, but he assumed angry phone calls wasn't the boy's method anyways.

Despite returning to his life before meeting the lightwood's, Magnus couldn't fool himself into forgetting Alec. He had gone back to the tight pants, gelled hair, and thick black liner, and yet he felt fake. To say that Magnus was a wreck was an understatement.

Still, even after four weeks, Magnus had not even begun to accept his life without the shadowhunter. He still hated himself for ever beginning the relationship, however he hated himself for ending it. Magnus found himself dialing Alec's number when he wasn't paying attention, and he had yet to clean up the shattered remains of Alec's favorite coffee mug.

And yet, life went on.

Magnus dealt with all sorts of downworlder problems, and he was pleased-and a little disappointed-that he never received a call from any of the taboo numbers. Magnus expected that Alec would take a long time to recover from his first break up; of course he hadn't been excepting himself to need such time.

Magnus had one appointment that had been rather unsettling.

"What's your name?" Magnus asked with a fairly dead-pan voice.

"My name is Catherine." The girl was small and cute. Magnus deduced-rather easily what with the large horns protruding out of her hair-that she was a warlock.

"What can I do for you?" Magnus was checking his fingertips as he asked. He really couldn't care less what the warlock wanted. She was probably knew to the scene and wanted to know some helpful tips and tricks.

"I had been hired by the institute to heal some injured shadowhunters, and I heard one mention your name." The girl paused hesitantly. "They said they would likely keep my number so I was wondering if you could warn my on anything bizarre about them or their most common issues just so that I can be prepared." The girl smiled darkly. "I don't really want to get the shadowhunters mad."

It took Magnus an embarrassingly long time to respond, and all he managed to say was, "No." Thirty seconds later Catherine had been shooed a tad forcefully out of his flat.

So they had already replaced him? Magnus should have expected as much; those god damned shadowhunters got themselves filled with demon blood at least twice a week. Especially…. Magnus sighed. He should have helped her, if only to ensure that Alec wouldn't die at her clumsy hands.

Groaning to himself, Magnus flopped face first onto his bed. He was a picture of misery as he stared into the closet. The ratty sweaters he had yet to throw out stared back at him.

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_Author's Note-__ So everyone, here's chapter 3! And really quick too! So be happy!_

_Alright so basically my take on this is that I want Alec to get over it quickly and Magnus to be the one suffering over the breakup. Everyone does it so that Alec is a complete wreck, but my take is that Magnus would be because he was the one who feels guilty over being with Alec. _

_SO yeah, PLEASE PLEASE review. I love to hear if people like it, and when I only get one review after a chapter, it makes me feel all bad about myself…. And nobody wants that, right? _


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